a gift to oneself
do you believe in buying a present or two for yourself on your birthday? how about around the holidays? i personally believe we all need to be a little decadent around this time of year, even if money is tight and it’s something silly, like buying a new pack of sticky notes or brie cheese during a regular grocery run.
of course you could be cynical and say, “rachel, i would just buy myself the sticky notes and the brie cheese anyway. it doesn’t matter what time of year it is.” you’d be right, but i think it’s a lot more fun to concoct a meaning behind the purchase.
i think that gifting is all about imagining your ideal self, and as consumerism has taught us, ultimately finding a product that will definitely help us arrive at that ideal. this means that the item itself is usually a lot less important than the quest to find said item.
this year, i’m trying to be less loopy and air-headed, so i figure a new pack of post its and taking the time to clear out my email is just the thing. these are a little boring, though, so i decided to assemble a gift guide where each gift represents an entirely different person you could choose to spend your time as through 2021.
why not spend 2021 becoming someone who’s a little too into textiles? skip the baby stuff, and go straight for the big kid tufting gun, or as the pros call it, the AK-III. this lil monster retails at $875, so i’m hoping that by some miracle you’re expecting a hefty bonus this year.
we all smugly nod along whenever the phrase “how the sausage gets made” comes up, but don’t you want to know, like really know, how it happens? buy a sausage stuffer and get up close and personal with the unique sounds and textures that come to life when casing and meat goop become one.
you may be thinking, “but, rachel, i’m a vegetarian!” yes, you are, but you’re also a doer — isn’t that exactly what you were trying to prove with this little self-gift exercise in the first place? just like there’s an infinite amount of things you can accomplish with your new outlook, there are an infinite amount of ways to use a sausage stuffer that don’t necessitate the killing of animals.
you like to have fun, right? or did you forget that about yourself this year? i can’t blame you, but nonetheless i think an automatic shuffler is just what the doctor ordered. no more fussing about whether your roommate is shuffling the cards in your favor, or worrying they’re suspecting you of the same deceit — it’s time to put your fate into the machine’s hands or… gears. i’m sure that when you bring a little bit of that chaotic casino energy into the home, you’ll instantly start to feel the color return to your face…
you want to become your most active self this year, but you’re not comfortable with going out to the gym, most at home work out equipment is ugly, and isn’t peloton a bit passe by now? worry not, there’s a new direct-to-consumer workout equipment company on the block and they’re dedicated to helping you stay active without compromising the nobu-leaning aesthetic of your apartment. the machine will set you back about $2500, so let’s hope you’re expecting an even bigger bonus than our little friend with the tufting gun.
for those of us who have absolutely no reason to expect a bonus in any form, why not buy a pretty day planner? you don’t have to splurge, but you’ll still end up feeling like you really can be more organized next year. hell, why not add a pack of sticky notes to your cart too?