my neighbour’s doing his thing again — repeating one song over and over again on his speakers while singing along at the top of his lungs. he’s always just a taaaad bit off on the lyrics, both the words themselves and at what point exactly they should be uttered. at this point, based on the frequency and intensity of these sessions, it seems totally impossible that anything other than an exhibitionist streak is compelling him toward this.
it must be said that i like my neighbour and that i’m ultimately happy for him if it’s scratching the itch. being privy to someone else’s catharsis doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world.
today i will be taking a much needed stand against the many different iterations of the board game Monopoly. i think about these not irregularly so i really just need to get it out of my system. “if not me who, if not now when” etc.
the entire appeal of monopoly, as with board games in general, is that they are decidedly not newfangled, yet hasbro insists on pumping these new versions out. i find it very hard to believe that this is all that profitable for them, but that’s beside whatever point i’m trying to make.
here’s a brief tour through the 6 worst, most ridiculous iterations of monopoly, in no particular order.
monopoly game: ultimate banking edition — this one makes me mad because the buying, selling, and collecting of rent is all done through one little device. paper money is completely removed from the equation, which in my opinion is 90% of the fun to the game in the first place. ugh, you might as well just play it on your phone!
monopoly cats vs. dogs — this game only exists because the packaging is cute. it’s insane to tether a game for up to 6 players to a binary like this. a “pet shop” theme, where each player has to choose a household pet to represent… now that i could get behind!
monopoly voice banking electronic family — the deal with this iteration is that there are no property cards, community cards, or cash — all of that is kept track of by a voice activated top hat. not only does this tick me off because it removes the joy of looking at and exchanging the paper goods, it baffles me because there is no way that this $30 game has voice recognition technology that’s good enough for it to be pleasurable to use.
ms. monopoly — frankly, i’m terrified of this one. everything is exactly like traditional monopoly except, as you’ve probably assumed, in the world of ms. monopoly the present is female. besides imagery, the one crucial difference here is that the rules state all women players start out with more money at the beginning of the game (???). now THIS is what a feminist [board game] looks like!
monopoly for sore losers — clearly, the point of the game is that it’s more fun for children who are sore losers. in this iteration, you want to be sent to jail, pay rent, etc. clearly, the issue here is if you’re a sore loser, you’re just going to be pissed off whenever you end up collecting rent or not going to jail. literally just play mouse trap and move on. (i’d hate to imagine how a sore loser boy playing ms. monopoly feels when he hears about its updated rulebook…)
monopoly house divided — truly madly deeply bananas. i feel for the people who had to wake up everyday to go to work and write copy for the house divided edition of monopoly. the object of this version is to buy up as many states as you can and place campaign headquarters around the board. much like “cats vs dogs,” the 6 player max game makes little sense within the context of a two party system. also, i have to wonder where the electoral college figures into this.
okay, i’m feeling better now that i’ve broken the silence here.
xx rd
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