you spend a leisurely afternoon playing shuffle board on the ship’s deck. later, you get drunk off of the all inclusive booze. you decide to go dance on your room’s tiny balcony… or whatever you’d call a balcony that is located on the edge of a ship. you inevitably fall to your death.
a magician comes to perform aboard. you are chosen as the audience participant. the magician puts you in a long box on wheels, ready to pretend he’s sawing you in half for the audience’s amusement. the box’s wheels slip off the edge of the ship and you fall to your death.
you prepare for an excursion, putting on a better outfit than you’ve worn during your past few days on the boat, and packing a few water bottles in your baggu knapsack. the portable ramp rattles as you step on it. you fall to your death.
you are getting a deep tissue massage on the ship’s deck-side spa. you request your masseuse add more massage oil to your back. he squirts more on, but his hands slip and he accidentally pushes you and your massage table off of the cruise ship. you fall to your death.
you wait in line for the ship’s giant waterslide. you’re really excited about it — the photo of the giant blue tube in the cruise’s brochure is what convinced you to take the trip. just because you’re an adult now doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have fun, or at least that’s what you told yourself. it’s your turn and you really have to soak this up because the line’s too long to ride it again. you crawl into the slide with such eagerness that when your ride is meant to come to an end your body continues to soar, propelling you over the side of the ship. you fall to your death.
you see an iceberg ahead. you jump off the side of the railing and fall to your death.
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